Some, Could Be Worse, News For Tricia

I had a doctors appointment today. I’ve had quite a few appointments lately just trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I’m 35, which is not old no matter what the kids at work say, I have two kids and I’m exhausted.

This isn’t the kind of exhaustion of a long day, well spent in physical activity, it’s the bone weary kind of tired. My attitude sucks, my relationship with Whit is fine, but my general feeling is that of unhappiness.

I have no patience, I never have, but now it’s worse. I’ve gained weight that no matter how much effort I put into diet and exercise I can’t take off.

I was finally diagnosed with Hypothyroidism in February, my second doctors appt. and I had to bring it up. The Hypothyroidism is only part of my problem. The doctor I saw today said that the medication I take for that, should put a big jolt in my energy level. The only thing is, I’ve been taking it since February and, yes I have good days, but for the most part they are few and far between.

I get mad at my kids for no reason other than the fact that they are loud and put me on edge, because you know, they are 5 and 2. I get mad and irritated at Whit for no reason, well there are reasons, but I won’t go into them here. Work is a whole other issue. I have no patience for the job not getting done by my co-workers, or worker.

That being said, the doctor asked questions like do you feel yourself being on edge? No, wait yes. I do. do you feel suicidal, um no. Definite no.

He asked a lot of questions that I had to think about to answer.

Diagnosis, Depression. He says that he thinks that because of the amount of time I have felt the way I do, I have PPD. From 5 years ago, really!?! He says my PPD went untreated and because I developed Hypothyroidism, it made it worse. A downward spiral, his exact words. Awesome.

I have to go to another doctor in two weeks, to see about treatment. Whether it be anti-depressants or something else, the doctor will let me know.

He asked me how I felt about being depressed. Well I feel good about being diagnosed, because I thought I was slowly losing my mind, but the diagnosis itself, I guess it could be worse.

If I do end up taking anti depressants, is it to much to ask that they be the kind that don’t make you put on weight?

Stream Of Conciousness

This is my stream of conciousness post. It’s harder then it seems to just let go, and let the words flow. I tend to gut check words and automatically erase.

Zane don’t stick your apple in my water. I don’t even kow where my stream of conciuosness is going. I am making it too hard. I’m over thinking it like I do everything in life. I have always done that. I get all A’s on school work and bomb the test because I over think and over analyze everything. It sucks because I know I’m smart  and would succeed if only I could ever finish anything I started. I am always gung ho at the beginning and then unless I’m challenged my interest wans and I am left with a project i don’t want to do and not enought time to delegate it to someone else to finish. This means I end up doing a lot of things I don’t,  Zane stop with the water. You are going to make the sink fall over on you. I’m not sure why we haven’t fixed the looseness of the sink. Speaking of loose I thouroughly detest when someone mispells lose and puts loose in the sentence instead. I mean come on.

Times up.

That was a really long five minutes and a really short five minutes. I’ve never done the stream of conciousness thing. My husband recommended and thought I would give it a try.

Maybe next time I’ll try to focus on things outside, that might make a more interesting 5 minutes.